25: Messenger's Lament

              A week after the Blessing I was back fundraising at our “First Amendment Booth” in the Atlanta Airport. I was picked me up and dropped off at an apartment complex. We fundraised Marietta, Smyrna and North Atlanta with butterflies in bell jars. The sales were slow and disheartening. Each morning we would have a 21-minute prayer condition at the Holy Ground. After, I would go jogging trying to keep my weight at 160. The complex I did was poor, but the people were friendly and generous. The apartments got fundraised so often, that most people didn't even answer the door.

Curtis at the FIrst Amendment Booth, Atlanta Airport

Stefan at the First Amendment Booth

            A few ducks followed me around the Seven Springs apartments as I went about my rounds. I was in a good mood because on July 19, I received my first letter from Yoshiko. A man who worked the deli counter at A&P invited me in and bought two wall scrolls. He was into oriental art, and opened a book for me; an illustrated Japanese poetry book. One of the poems was about spending eternity in spirit world on a lotus with the one you love, like kingfishers wing to wing.
            Another man had an aversion to oriental things, and didn't like my global view. He quoted some poetry by Rudyard Kipling to try prove the world could never be united. "O East is East and West is west and never the twain shall meet." I blew his mind when I recited the next two lines.
            "Till earth and sky stand presently at God's great judgment seat."
            A Tiger Swallowtail caught my eye and made me think of my childhood friend Bruce catching dragonflies in a jar. Then I met up with Thomas the Seminarian and sat in some shade by a brook. Thomas kidded me about my wife. "The only thing going on in your mind is Yoshiko, Yoshiko. When you fundraise to people you probably say that you're name is Yoshiko."
            Thomas told me he walked into an office with his dome glass and one of the secretaries said, "Dead butterflies, how gross." Then someone walked in and handed her lunch, which was from McDonalds.
            "How gross," Thomas said, and had everyone in the office laughing. "You're going to eat dead cows for lunch."

On July 21, 1982 at 2:25 pm I was at Nancy’s Soul Food on Chandler Road writing in my journal: Just had a little excitement walking in and out of a bank. I had been positive making people smile and singing between shops. It was a very poor area, with a high crime rate. As this is an area that requires a permit to fundraise, I try to avoid the police. I was outside a bank wondering, “Should I go in? I thought well if I got arrested I have my Divine Principle to read. I would get a nice sleep and the worst thing t hat could happen is that I could get deported. I thought about what Mr. Self had talked about this morning, how we must go the same way Father is going, because he is condemned and sentenced.” So I walked into the bank, as I got in the door I saw a police officer at the counter. I did an about face and walked out. As soon as I left I realized how suspicious that was and just then a police car passed, pulled over and stopped me. The officer in the car had his gun ready, asked me for identification, took my name and radioed it to headquarters. I had to explain in a round about way that I was fundraising because he though it strange that I would walk in and out after seeing him. “Don’t you like Police Officers?”
            I said “O yes, they are great people.” There was a helicopter hovering over us.
            “If you were trying to rob a bank you would get blown away.” He also asked who else was fundraising, and what kind of car were we driving. He gave me back my Georgia Driver’s License. “If you come back and try to rob a bank that would be it for you.” Needless to say I didn’t continue fundraising. 
 
            After the "closing meeting," on July 31, I went with Mr. Self to Grandma’s Biscuits. He told me not to let spirit world push me into a relationship that doesn’t exist yet. This morning Cathy told me that Mr. Self, herself and I were going to New York on July 5^th to join MFT.

           I flew to Cleveland and joined my team. Before joining though, I put another booklet of songs together, and made a tape of my songs. I packed some stuff, such as winter clothes, in a small box, so that it could be sent to me out on the road. Just before leaving Atlanta I called my mother and asked her to send me a copy of my manuscript, thinking I'd have some spare time when I could rewrite my life story.
            Our schedule seldom varied. We would leave the center or motel as early as possible, and have breakfast and morning service in the van. Shop-to-shops were done during the day, then we'd meet as a team for dinner at a fast food place like Wendy’s. After dinner we would do residential places till about nine p.m., then went on blitzes of bars and restaurants. One day we might make hardly anything, and the next we might do really well. We usually got back to the motel by midnight. In one town, one brother on our team was beaten by the police and thrown in jail for disorderly conduct, because he didn't take his beating quietly. When I went to pay his bail the girl in the Bail Bonds place said, "Weren't you in here yesterday selling me pictures of unicorns?" Foil prints, or metal etchings were our favorite “product.”

          

               While our team fundraised Houston I visited Debbie Wilson at Horizon Galleries. Debbie was one of the top fundraisers on National MFT and could be counted on to give good advice on breaking through to a higher level. When Debbie visited our team on Sunday morning, at the CARP center I played her some songs. She said that I would be able to write some holy songs when I had completed MFT. Leaving the Gallery I stood beneath the pure blue sky and waited for my ride.
            It was hot, but breezy, just before pick up time. Mamaru pulled up; I prayed when I got in the powder blue Ford Van. Mamaru was often late for pickups, so I would pass the time writing in a tiny journal. Our team included Jeff, Joseph, Susan, Charlene and Natsuko. 

 

            Debbie gave me a gift for my spiritual birthday, an opal with four diamonds in a four-position foundation. "When I used to sail the ocean it felt so much like God, deep and wide; always absorbing my problems or worries. It stretches so far... to the shores of many countries. It's so much a symbol of God. I think that's why Father loves fishing so much... to sail his boat into the open sea and experience God. The center of your gift reminds me of the ocean — it was donated to me quite some time ago and I loved it so much. When the sunlight dances on the ocean it looks like sparkling jewels."       
            When Mamaru went to New York for a leader's meeting we had two days to space out. So we went to the Lyndon B Johnson Space Center, saw the movie An Officer and a Gentleman and fed seagulls on the beach at Galveston. A wind blew steadily on the beach, enabling the gulls to hover overhead, with each bird catching crusts. After a while it was possible for me to throw bread to select birds. I felt like the conductor of a great big bird orchestra.

 
 

We did Topeka Kansas on the fifteenth of October. I drove the van between midnight and three the night before. On my last run Joe and I were dropped off in a poor house-to-house area. We both didn't make anything.

            Late Friday we stopped at a Motel 6 outside Kansas City to meet with Brian's team. (Brian's wife Sandra was my spiritual daughter; I met her at Telegraph Hill in San Francisco the day before leaving the Oakland family to join the CARP 200.) There was pleasant pandemonium as we watched the third game of the World Series. 

Usually we would gather in a circle in a parking lot for morning service. This was one of Mamaru's Morning Services: "Tomorrow we will start the first of three twenty-one day conditions which will end Christmas Eve. Mr. Grow is concerned about the standard of CARP MFT. We just rearranged teams and shifted area; achieving the best result is our primary concern. We need to make a solid goal; something difficult yet attainable. It doesn't make sense to have a goal such as 'defeat Satan,' or 'to become perfect in twenty one days.' Each one of us is an important member, a pioneering cornerstone for CARP's existence. CARP is the place where leaders can be raised up and offered to the movement. I translated Yoshiko's letter for Stefan. She said, 'Father can trust those who can do MFT for three years.' Can you become the kind of leader who can't be defeated? Pray to find out what God wants you to do. Make a foundation of faith and a foundation of substance. Jesus taught us to Love God first and then to love your neighbors. During difficult times ask yourself, 'Whom do I belong to, God, or the Apes?' Look at yourself, even beyond your ancestors. You can peel off the stains and junk and be reborn through True Parents and come back to the bosom of God. Some are at the top of the mountain, some are at the bottom in the bushes. Don't be too idealistic, with your head in the clouds. We need to have faith in God. We can all make it to the peak together if we help each other and work as a team. Don't think these Japanese members have strange pride, a supremacy complex or think that I am this way because my father beat me as a child, or I'm an American; America is the chosen nation; and someday those Japanese members will have to go back to their country where they belong. Broaden your heart and mind to understand God. To go through the deserts and valleys you have to cultivate the things in your mind. God is love and to love is to be like God. Taste God's love through your blood sweat and tears, develop intimacy with God. Create an intense relationship with something bigger than Coca Cola. Jeff, could you pray?”
            Jeff prayed. Then we had a short unison prayer. I realized my goal should be 'tearful prayers.' Tears had almost came to me the other night in the prayer room before a beautiful picture of True Parents wearing their white robes and crowns. When had I ever prayed with enough tears of gratitude?

            We had a breakfast in a diner; then did a long run. My area was unproductive; I was the third person in two days to do the strip with foil prints. As I got in the van Mamaru said, "How was your area, not so good was it? We are a thousand miles from the area we did yesterday."
            I got out with Natsuku and she commented on the weather. "My name means 'Summer Child,' I'm not used to this cold." She told me that she came to America to see Simon and Garfunkle and ended up joining the church. She used to baby sit for a family in Beverly Hills. Then Mamaru dropped me off with Susan who was angry and resentful about Heavenly Father and the Church. Susan told me that she had shared to a lady that Jesus' work is still in effect today, and the lady said, "Then there is still a ray of hope." After trying to console her for ten minutes I did the run. It was difficult for people to give more than a dollar until the very last place, where two young ladies each bought two prints.
            One was my best sellers, which I kept on top of the pile was the Rainbow Unicorn.  Our van was broken into the night we stayed at the Chicago Church headquarters. We had pledge with everyone and drove on to Michigan. It was the second time in a week that our van was broken into. I lost my down-filled vest which had a huge CARP symbol on it.

            Driving to Kalamazoo, Mamaru said the results of our condition would be determined before it began, depending on our determination. We did two runs of houses and apartments after the long drive. On the way to Wendy’s Charlene shared about her experience talking to a spirit man. Mamaru changed lanes without looking and almost caused an accident. The person behind had to slam on the breaks.

            Another day in Kalamazoo. My first run was Gull Road; it was all that I could do to get people to donate a dollar. God spoke through one woman. I was tempted to buy a candy bar at a filling station when I first walked in. Then I persuaded the lady to donate one dollar. She said, "How do I know you're not going to spend it on a can of soda down the road?" Every penny people give is precious to God's providence.

            Mamaru broke his three-day fast at midnight. His last day was difficult so he had me lead the team. A mild wind was blowing leaves off the trees. I wrote in my journal waiting for the van to come: "Why did God choose the tree of life to symbolize an ideal man? There is part of the tree that you see and part that you don't see. The part that you don't see is the roots, the roots that hold up the tree. The branches and trunk reach up to Heavenly Father, and the roots embrace mother earth. The roots that we don't see are like the spirit man within us, which corresponds to our physical self and our five spiritual senses. Since the fall we have become blind to the spiritual dimension, and our physical self is buried in the darkness of the earth like tangled roots. In our present state we are living our physical lives in darkness like the roots, when we should be like the trunk and branches and leaves that reach for the sun."

            I was dropped off with Susan in Battle Creek; she was resentful and depressed. She said she would leave the church if she wasn't so concerned of the spiritual consequence. I tried to comfort her and cheer her up; she laughed a bit and refused to open up. An old lady with hair curlers watched us out of her window. I told Susan that everyone on the team loved her. She said she wanted to overcome her resentment. When it came time for our pick up, Susan was not there. Mamaru said that she had gone home to her mother's in Delaware. "Satan invaded us by having someone break in the van when we were asleep, twice last week," Mamaru said, "And now he's stolen a sister's heart."

            Waiting for pick up Charlene shared with me about Japanese American relationships in the church. "One time Father called all the Japanese members together and told them that they should not criticize the American members. American members go through Jesus' suffering course; and often come from families that are separated, divorced and without love. So the children have to raise themselves up." My parents did not understand me, and I had to learn a lot on my own.

In Grand Rapids Mamaru dropped everyone off and then gave me the third degree about Susan. He chastised me for relating to Charlene in a horizontal way when my conversation should be centered on God. "You are like a dark spot in the van—a black hole." He said Susan saw Charlene as a bad example of someone who has been in the church for five years. "Mr. Grow cried when I told him that Susan had left."

I told Mamaru that I would try to support him more, and be more of a bright spirit. Then he bought me a new down filled vest to replace the one that was stolen.

            At the final meeting I shared, "During my run I sold to many types of people, people I don't usually have much success with; mechanics working on cars; ladies in banks; and dog-groomers; to name a few." At one place the clerk finished talking to me and said, 'Next!' Then a little black kid dragging a cardboard box full of candy bars presented his case.

            Before dropping me off Mamaru told me not to take it too personal, the things he had told me the other day about Charlene, and about Susan leaving. He said that he was being too judgmental. "Don't worry about Susan, she'll be going to New York on Saturday, and will be joining our team again."

            While waiting for our seats at a Big Boy Restaurant, Natsuko bought a gum from the gumball machine. Then she bit it in half and said, "Separating good and evil, Cain and Able." She called me "Stay Fun."

            We did a "blitz" and a girl named Sally bought the Rainbow Unicorn. She told me her life story in five minutes. Sally was a country girl, one of nine children; she had a deer for a pet as a child; her sister died a year ago; she believed in God and went to church. My heart went out to her.

            I gave morning service in the van as we drove to a Muskegon; the topic was On Moving God's Heart. There was frost all around making the windows silver in the sun. Natsuko and I did a small mall. She was tired as Charlene went out until 3 a.m. and Mamaru and her had to go looking for her. There was a Sambo's 24-hour restaurant near the Motel 6 where she might have gone. Charlene refused to fundraise. When she did she hardly made anything. "Here comes Mamaru to pick us up."

            As we were making lunch I cut an apple in half to show Natsuko the star inside. Making a pun on the Japanese word for apple she said, "Ringo Star."

            The trees were golden with the sun setting as Natsuko and I stood on the corner praying before our house-to-house run. Not far away a golden squirrel hid nuts in the dried leaves. I told her where I come from the squirrels were black or gray, and liked to run along the telephone wires. When we finished praying we looked up and saw the squirrel walking on the wire with the golden sun in its tail.

            Natsuko shared at closing about making a sale to an eighty-year-old woman. She desperately wanted the lady to make a good condition before she died. The lady bought the picture of the two kittens to give to her friend. 

Jeff gave his testimony over breakfast in Grand Rapids His grandfather had been a bugle boy on the front lines during the First World War. His parents left Vienna in 1939 and met each other for the first time in New York City. At the "closing meeting" Jeff shared, "By living with people from different backgrounds we will have the foundation to love different people in the world."

The drive to Lansing was beautiful — between the frost and the fog on the water and the sun rising over the autumn leaves. Natusko gave morning service about Won Pil Kim's mother, translating from a Japanese publication. I sold to a Korean in a wig store. I told her that my wife was in the Korean Folk Ballet and played the Gayageum, which is, "Kind of a Dobro thing carved out of a hollow log."

            My first run was difficult, partly because five people had come through with foil prints in the last two weeks. One lady with a parrot on her shoulder bought four prints. Her bird walked onto my shoulder and did something. I referred to the incident later as a "mixed blessing."

            I called my mother one night. She was upset that I called collect and asked if I received the parcel sent last July and was upset that it hadn't been forwarded to me. She also said that headquarters had told her that my guitar would be at the airport, but when Terry went to get it the guitar wasn't there. They had called and told her that they would be shipping it to her, because I wouldn't be playing it. Ma then told me she just paid for a headstone for dad's grave, and it cost a pretty penny. And then she said that she loved me and I said the same to her. 

            Charlene refused to do a "bad strip" in Flint and Mamaru asked me to do it. I asked if he could find something better. "I want you to prove that money can be made here. Charlene feels that she gets the worst area because she never makes any money." I was feeling distant from Mamaru since he accused Charlene and I of causing Susan to leave after publicly taking responsibility for it. I offered to give Mamaru a back rub at the end of day, as Natsuko had suggested to me as she set the table with yellow napkins at Wendy’s, but he refused my offer.

            Half the shops in downtown Flint were abandoned; my only sale was a rainbow and two unicorns, in a health food store where punks hung out. Then a guy in a leather jacket with a crew cut bought the picture of Jesus praying in the garden and his friend with the Mohawk bought an Indian in a canoe. Across the street in a two story yellow and purple frame house was a head shop. On the walls hung all sorts of counter culture posters and drug paraphernalia. The proprietor had long hair and a beard. The man didn't buy a picture, but he did donate a dollar when I told him we fought Communism. One of the posters on the wall reminded me of a poster that I had seen in Toronto at the Guerrilla newspaper office. It told the story of a man sitting outside his shack after being robbed saying I wish I could have given the thief this beautiful moon.

            Two Christian Seminarians grilled me on matters of faith, saying there were 'deceiving spirits,' influencing my life. It was in a pizza place where the clerks were separated from the clientele by bulletproof glass. Nothing separated me from the fundamentalists but an indomitable spirit and a spiritual force field. I told them that our conversation strengthened my faith and would give me incentive to work harder. 

            Back at Motel 6 we watched a nuclear freeze debate between Charlton Heston and Paul Newman. Since it was too cold to sleep in the van we had rented one room for the team and divided the space with a box spring mattress turned on its end. In the middle of the night it fell on the brothers side and landed on Mamaru and Jeff. It woke them up.

            It started out rainy in Saginaw but cleared up after the first run. I did fairly well cause it was a Friday and a lot of people had just been paid. One of the banks was filled with witches, it being two days before Halloween.

We gathered in a circle to close the day. Joseph shared about a negative experience, and how he felt proudly proclaiming his faith. As he spoke the light from a searchlight outside the grand opening of an appliance store lit an American flag as it circled the dark firmament. Then he shared about an old man who pulled out a newspaper clipping that had been in his wallet for 30 years, about his son who risked his life in the Korean War and became a war hero.

During our breakfast in a Big Boy's in Saginaw, Mamaru said that Charlene would be going home for a month to get some dental work done. Then he said that he hadn't always been diplomatic, and was sorry that he had 'exploded.' He then told me that I was an Aquarius, which made me patient enough to converse with fundamentalists. I had a good day fundraising before we drove to Detroit.

It was Halloween in Detroit and we stayed at the Church Center. Jeff went out trick or treating and shared candy with us in the van. One man must have thought he was down and out cause he said, "I'll help you out." We finished early and celebrated Joseph’s birthday with a cake. A brother at the church center asked me to teach him how to play A Miracle America, which was in the church songbook. The original copy of the song was missing a line, which didn't help.

We had pledge service at the Church Center and drove to Cleveland. I did downtown Cleveland after eating breakfast in a greasy spoon. Did some house-to-house with Jeff, who told me the story behind the painting of the praying hands. He said the way the hands are held is very childlike; the way they point to heaven.

            On the evening of November third Mamaru dropped me off at the same apartment complex that I had done a month ago the very first night I joined the team. The apartments were in three flights with twelve doors at every section. When we returned to the motel I had an hour to write in my other journal, the handwritten version of my life.

A Copy of Page 25 and 26 of the "handwritten manuscript"
 

On the fifth day in Cleveland I gave morning service, reading from a talk about why Americans were not breaking through on MFT. The answer was to repent and to feel shame for the sins of America. It was very cold; windy with a few snowflakes. Joseph did the other side of the same strip and we both only sold one picture each. Walking along I noticed there were still a few flowers in bloom; but they were dying. I looked up at the snow falling into the flowers of weeds. I read some of Won Pil Kim's testimony about Father's mother crying when her son was in prison. The main point was that children need to be separated from their parents in order to ultimately create unity. I thought about that when I sold to a woman who bought a picture so that her stepdaughter could get closer to her mother.

On the last day of the condition I did Loraine Street and sold a lot of pictures of Jesus. My average was 89 dollars, a day. Before sleeping I listened to John Denver's Season's of the Heart and thought about the time we had driven through Dallas listening to the song Islands with the lights of the city like jewels. 

August 8, 1982 World Mission Center

Dear Yoshiko-san,

            I’m on the 23^rd floor of the New Yorker, having arrived here Friday, to begin my new mission on National CARP MFT. I’ll be flying to Cleveland, Ohio tomorrow to join a team lead by Mamaru O, a righteous and deep-hearted Japanese brother. Mr. Grow is the director of CARP MFT.

It was not so difficult saying goodbye to my region, as we had a high-spirited going away celebration. One sister, Cathy, who joined the movement the same week I joined, and has been in South East Carp since we left Oakland two years ago also came with me to New York to fundraise. She has been struggling some, so I have been spending time with her. We shared very deeply during the long drive, creating a bond of friendship.

            After I sent my first letter to you I was told that I would not join MFT; then that I might join, then after two weeks I was told that I would indeed be changing missions. Even though I cannot “pioneer” as everyone else will now be doing, I am truly grateful. I feel indebted to Father for being blessed during these crucial times.

            I have been given so many blessing this year. I went to Rev. Sudo’s 120-workshop, where I was the song leader; then for the CARP workshop in Colorado winning the song contest. During the 120-day training I went to Belvedere and sat in the front row to be poked and “hit” by Father many times. Then the greatest experience was to be part of the most beautiful Blessing Ceremony. This was at the time when Father had been on trial.

            Before, I never wanted to go on MFT; even Debbie, my spiritual mother, advised me at first not to join it long ago; (but her advice has since changed.) I was given a choice of which team I wanted to be on, I picked the one with a Japanese leader so I could learn about the heart of Japan.

            I started writing poetry — including some haikus — in high school. In the translations of Japanese poetry I see a love for nature and beauty. When I look at nature and the beauty of god’s creation I can’t help but want to express myself in songs and poetry. Someday perhaps I will be able to write a poem in Japanese. Have you ever written a sonnet or a haiku?

I was pleased to see the picture of you playing a gayageum in the Korean Folk Ballet. Perhaps in the future we will be able to make beautiful music together. If you have the time could you possibly make a tape of you singing or of some Japanese phrases I could learn.

            I continued writing this letter after arriving in Cleveland. On my first run for two hours in the evening I made my best result ever. The first person I met gave offered $40.00 for foil prints, then some Koreans invited me in for some Kimchee and bought. I felt that God blessed me with a good experience to show me what I can do.

            My prayers are with you every day. Please let me know of anything you’d like me to share about. Your dream with true Family sounded very special. I hope that God will give me such a beautiful dream. Sometime I will share about my experiences with father at Belvedere when he looked deep into my soul. Please take care and may God’s blessings be with you. In True Parent’s Love. Stefan 

New York Air Flight 79 3pm LaGuardia to Cleveland $ 52.00

September 19, 1982 Memphis, Tennessee

Dear Yoshiko-san,

Yesterday the director of CARP MFT, Mr. Grow and his wife came to visit our team, and took us to the movie, “Inchon.” (We had not known the movie had been released until the day before that when we saw it up on the marquee, as we drove along.) We had dinner after, then on the way back to the airport Mr. Grow gave us a report on his latest meeting with Father in Belvedere…

In the last month we fundraised some of the poorest areas in America, and our team had its share of struggles and victories. We did Indiana, Pittsburg in Pennsylvania and Ohio, where steelworkers and automotive workers are suffering severe unemployment. Some days a member might make $250.00; then not make much the next day. This happened to me one day, when I made $259, my best result so far.

Tonight as we had our closing prayer, I had a very strong prayer. Maintaining a consistent prayer life has always been difficult for me. So I will make more effort to improve my lifeline to heavenly Father.

CARP is now doing a 40 –day condition as 300 members have started pioneering 300 new centers. (I’ve included a copy of “CARP Monthly” which has an article about the Blessing and Colorado.

Our schedule seldom varies. We try leavce the center or motel as early as possible, having morning service and breakfast usually in the van. (The other day, driving through the countryside of Kentucky, Mamaru gave a morning service. He spoke of a lake of tears Father was almost crying, and how Mamaru himself was almost crying as Father spoke directly to him. His point was t hat God will speak to us many different ways as we endure difficult situations.) On alternate days, the rest of the members take turns giving morning service.

For breakfast we have cereal, bananas and yogurt, trying not to spill it all over us as we drive along. We’ve been avoiding McDonald’s recently; but do have dinner at such places as Wendy’s; Burger King; Pizza Hut, sometimes going to family type restaurants with salad bars. My favorite is Shoney’s Big Boy’s.

We do “shop-to-shops” selling “foil prints,” also offices and industries. In the evening we do apartments or “house-to-house.” On Saturday and Sunday we eat breakfast at a restaurant, share a little. On Fridays we work late hours in to Saturday morning, and on Sundays we usually go to a movie. Daily we are picked up at 12:45 to 1:15, ride in the van; have lunch. Refreshments; go out again till 5:45 - 6:15 ride in the van, then do apartments till 8:45 pm, stop for dinner before one final “blitz.” We pray in a field and get “home” between 11 and 12 pm. I stay up till 1:30 usually and try to be creative.

As you are one day ahead of us in Japan when you wake up in the morning we are finishing our day. So one of us is always awake, serving Heavenly Father and True Parents.

Our team leader Mamaru grew up in Matuyama, joining Mr. Kamiyama’s center in Nagoya in 1972. He has been in America six years, and was blessed recently to an American sister. He is like a father to us all. The rest on our team includes: Charlene Mueller who joined in her home state of Delaware just after the Yankee Stadium rally. She’s worked before on MFT and is blessed to an Austrian brother. Chris Castelot, Susan Marinari and Joe Morris are all in their early twenties; they all joined CARP about two years ago. The other sister, Essie Glenn, left our team to rejoin her center.

I send you greetings for your birthday. I have been preparing something for you, and will send it soon. I’ve included a little something one of the True Children — a paper airplane from Belvedere that was left behind one of Father’s speeches last Easter. Also, I’ve included some clippings from my hometown’s newspaper, our marriage announcement and about my brother Terry who has a citizenship cup named after him, that is presented to some one every year at his high school.

Well Yoshiko-san, it is now very late. I send you Father’s abundant blessings. I will be working hard to inherit Father’s tradition. Please be patient with me. I hope soon to break through to a higher level of faith.

In True Parent’s Love, Stefan

One morning while our MFT team was having breakfast I asked Mamaru about the mail. Mamaru had just gone to New York for a few days, and had left our mail in his room. I asked if it could be retrieved, because he had told me that there was a letter from my wife. Mamaru said that the mail wouldn't be sent because it was lost. I was negative about that. "Is not having the mail such a big thing that it keeps you from reaching God?"

            "I don't want to discuss it any further," I said, "Until I have prayed about it."

            "Don't pray too long."

            Our breakfast arrived, and my omelet was placed before me. I just looked at it. Mamaru laughed and said, "Are you fasting?" I got up and left the restaurant. Natsuko came out to the parking lot and convinced me to come back in. I did, but only drank tea.

            My runs were slow; Natsuko was dropped off with me each time. She asked if I wanted to have a tea and talk about it; I said I just wanted to fundraise. She said that she would talk to Mamaru and tell him that getting mail is important for the team's morale. We did some apartments and I saw the security cop come. I told Natsuko to disappear, and went to talk to him. He told me to get in his car and drove me around the complex looking for Natsuko. She eluded him; I was let out at the front gate. Mamaru picked us up and went to a Ponderosa Steak house. Natsuko said that Mamaru had chosen the place with me in mind. All I had was tea.

 

 

We did Delray. I was dropped off at some run down apartments. One lady was 38 years old and had a 29 year old son. When we got back to the motel before midnight, I asked if I could go to Denny's nearby and write a letter. Mamaru said I could but if I was tired the next day he would report me to Mr. Grow, "For your own spiritual good."

            At Wendy’s the next day Mamaru told me that I could buy a gift for my wife and mail it for Christmas. "You should call her on Christmas Day." That helped me to resolve the bad feelings I had towards him. Natsuko also told me that Mamaru had just said that there had been a letter for me in New York to make me happy.

            In Boca Ratan I ran into negativity. I went into a convenience store and showed the prints to the man behind the counter. A fat man beside him started swearing at me and told me to leave. I wished him a Merry Christmas. Then a secretary at a Toyota dealership said, "Do I have to have you removed?"

            I ran into a dentist who said, "Moon castrates the girls and makes them work twenty four hours a day." After intense negativity I knew that I would soon get the blessing, and a woman two stores down bought twenty-five dollars worth of pictures.

            It was December 15, in Pompano Beach, at 8:45 p.m.: I was sitting on a guardrail waiting for the van to come after doing some difficult apartments. Four brothers from our team did the complex the previous night. I knocked on a door adorned with a Santa Clause head and the man who answered said if we knock again he would shoot us. Another time I knocked on a door and saw the dark shadow of a pistol in a ladies hand. Mamaru was seventy minutes late for my pick up and asked why I got in the van, "With a dark face."

            Jeff shared about a deep experience he had with one sister who gave him a box of donuts for the team and Mamaru interrupted, "Speed up, you're rambling." Jeff later asked me how to improve his sharing. I told him to focus on the main points; to avoid going into minute details such as describing the blueberries in the filling.

            My run was slow so I took out my letter to Yoshiko and worked on it. I usually worked on letters a few days then I would make a copy before I sent them off. When I got back in the van I noticed that my parcel to Yoshiko was still on the dash. I didn't say anything. Mamaru took me to a 'call back.' but they weren't interested. "I think God is trying to tell us something," he said, "But I don't know what it is."

 I gave a morning service on 'Christmas Spirit.' I didn't have much time to prepare for it because we got back at two in the morning. A young Christian who bought six religious pictures gave me his address and insisted that I write him. One lady in a mall bought the oriental lady and traded a clown on a music box for the matching picture. The song it played was Send In The Clowns. Mamaru suggested I send the clown to my mother for Christmas, but I ended up saving it for Natsuko. On my apartment run a Christian girl played a classical piece on her piano. I played A Miracle America for her. I told her that she had a good spirit.

            Although my pick up was at 8:20 I had stopped fundraising, just after seven. It was a week before Christmas and a number of people had told me to stop soliciting or they would call the police. Two of the complexes were wealthy and Jewish; the last one was Christian. My last run was along a beach strip with a lot of weird bars. One girl tried to charm me into giving her a rainbow unicorn. I refused. 

By the time we got to Miami there was a total of fifty members fundraising the town. That was what an Ocean Church member told me when I ran into him in a Cuban Area. Maybe he was exaggerating so we'd leave and he'd have the area for himself. But it made sense, there were so many fundraising teams on the road, and Florida was warm.

            Joe and I got kicked out right away in Tamerack. I did some house to house which was mostly retirees and sold two ships to a 76-year-old lady. She said she was against Communism. It was around 8:15 when I was walking towards my pick up spot when a police car rushed up from behind and pulled over, so that I had to step up onto the curve. He came over with a flashlight, and then another car pulled up. They had me put my hands up and checked my pockets. They told me to put my green pack on the hood of the car. The first one kept shining his flashlight in my eyes, trying to intimidate me. "Are you a vagabond," the first one asked. Then he accused me of hiding in the trees. He asked me for my license and he ran it through on the computer. "You call this piece of paper a license?" When he found my church ID he became possessed and called me a 'Moonie.' Then he asked how much of the money I gave to Moon. He went through my pockets again, and flashed the light in my eyes. "Are you on something because your pupils are diluted." I told him that I had contact lenses on. He told me not to be smart, because he was in a position of authority. Then he told me to sit in his car with my stuff. The man who called the police on me came by and the police praised him for his cooperation. The second cop said he was going to drive me to the city limits. As I sat in the car the first cop threatened to bash me in the face with his flashlight.

            "He doesn't seem to like you," the second cop said. When we got to the city limits the officer said, "I don't mind Moonies, because they are non violent. But you better not come back into town. There's a phone at McDonalds, and there's a Motel 6 ten miles down the road." I stashed my stuff and went back to tell Joe where I'd be, at the McDonald's where I wrote in my journal. It was 9:30, one hour after our pick up. I waited till 9:45 and then went back to the pick up spot. Just then Mamaru pulled up and we got in the van. Joe told Mamaru that the two police cars had driven by many times, and they told him that they had said, "We drove Stefan out of town." Joe said that I was lucky they didn't find me coming back again. Mamaru said that he was sorry; he had fallen asleep.

            Back at the motel I pasted rough typed pages into a large black scrapbook, editing pages as I went along. My mother had sent me the manuscript and Frank Grow reluctantly forwarded it to the team. I was up to about a hundred handwritten pages in my journal, editing from my original manuscript and rough work. I finished at about 1:40. I needed to wind down.

            Mamaru said that he went to the Post Office to get the mail and it wasn't there. I told him it was, having called them to find out for myself. Then he started yelling at me saying that I was more concerned about the mail than doing my mission, that he'd seen me walking on my runs, that I looked down, that I was "spiritually lazy." Then he said that Mr. Grow was disappointed with me that I hadn't taken more responsibility, because CARP needs leaders. He went and picked up our mail finally; I got letters from Ellen, and from Sandra, my spiritual daughter. I heard from my mother that my brother Danny had sent me a letter, but that must have been lost in New York.

            We did a forty-hour nonstop fundraising push to finish the condition, mostly around Fort Lauderdale. We fundraised Christmas eve with flowers. On four occasions the police asked us to stop. I ended up on a Seminole Indian reservation, and had to call in to tell them that I had moved my location. After it was all over we had a good prayer on the beach and then went to the movie Airplane I.

 

September 14, 1982

Dear Stefan,

How are you? Are you in good condition? I think you are a very hard worker. Thank you for your hard work. Thank you for your presents.

Thank you for your hard work on the front line every day. I can see in my mind a vision that you are working so hard. Because our life is a course of restoration through indemnity, even our True Parents are struggling the most. We as children have to go through a restoration course of shedding tears and sweat. Heavenly Father must be really trying to comfort you because you are working with many younger brothers and sisters.

Father loves MFT so much. Even he said that those who went through MFT Three years he can trust. I feel Father really means it. Those who go through the deepest struggle are the ones who deserve the highest glory. I myself am living an MFT life now. Except for the driver, I have seven members who are all sisters who have International blessing. I was assigned to be a team captain, and I’m struggling to read maps. Our fundraising is through Victory Over Communism donations; it is for the defense of Japan; for peace and safety of Japan and to regain the Northern Islands that have been occupied by the Soviet Union since the end of WWII. Now I am in a certain prefecture going to mostly small villages and have gotten a suntan, but inside my heart and mind are getting whiter.

This September we expect Father to be visiting, so we want to work hard and do our best to welcome True Parents. This is how the Japanese brothers and sisters are feeling. I myself want to work even harder than you. By the way Stefan-san what is your blood type? I am type “O.”

About singing songs; I cannot sing so well, but someday I’d like to send you pictures of me playing the cayaegan. You are such a fine singer; I’d rather listen to you than play. I want to hear your real voice on front of me.

Last September 11, 12 and 13, three nights in a row, I had dreams about you. I wonder if something may have happened to you. The Japanese purse that I’ve included is a Christmas, or birthday gift for your mother.

Thank you very much, I pray for your success and well being. Please work even harder brother Stefan-san whom Heavenly Father loves. Yoshiko. PS Thanks for the expensive necklace.

October 15, 1982 Kansas

Dear Yoshiko-san

As this is being written we are driving north through Kansas, on our way to Michigan. In a month we will l eave the cold north to go to Florida. We just left Houston where we spent ten days. I am fine, in good health and spirit. How are you? Thank you for your hard work for heaven; and taking care of your team. The gifts you sent were all quite lovely, especially the picture of Father and the journal. Since you are my representative of Heavenly mother, I will use the “forget-me-not” as a reminder that I should always be thinking of True Parents. (My mother will surely be grateful to receive the purse for Christmas. When I last spoke to her she said to give you her love.)

It gives me great joy to hear that Father could visit Japan, and that so many members could be blessed in Korea. The brothers and sisters over there deserve so much to see True Parents. Also, I’m grateful that you can witness to me the importance of MFT. I want to be the person Father can trust.

Just recently, when our team spent 10 days in Houston, I visited my spiritual mother Debbie. She came to the CARP Center, and before we went out for breakfast I played her some songs on my guitar. She gave me some guidance on fundraising. Concerning my songwriting, she said that in this time away from music I should be able to develop my heart more so that when I resume writing songs again the songs will be more holy.

You mentioned having dreams of me three nights in a row. Could you please send me more about the contents of those dreams? On September 12 at 2:48 pm; and on September 13^th and 15^th, the police stopped me on three different occasions, in three different cities. Each time I was told I could not fundraise without a permit. The first officer was very negative about Moonies and threatened to throw me in jail. Due to some unseen force I was only given a summons to pay a fine; or to defend myself in court. I have enclosed a copy of the citation. Police make me very paranoid sometimes, as that could cause me to be deported. (I would come right back though.) Fortunately I have a Georgia Drivers License, and they think I’m American. I

Well Yoshiko you are working so hard now, I won’t keep you from your mission too long, with a long letter. At least not this time. Take care. You have inspired me to work much harder. God Bless you. In True Parent’s Love, Stefan

November 16, 1982 - Louisville, Kentucky

Dear Stefan,

         Are you fine in fortunate autumn? I feel that when you suffer and go through hardships you become closer to God. Please do your best. Thank you for the birthday presents and the necklace from your spiritual mother. Thank you for your hard work. Seeing pictures of you I can see your face shining with God’s Love on the front line.

       I just finished VOC fundraising campaign on October 23^rd and started witnessing. I was assigned to the Osaka church, and eventually will leave for the USA. MFT was spiritually beneficial for me; I went to many places in Kanto; Gunma, Ibaraki, Kanagawa, Saitama, Tochigi prefectures and Saitama. I felt that I have made the condition to love Japan.
     I heard the Blessing pictures will be ready soon. I’d like you to send one picture to me; I’m looking forward to seeing it.

Those who were blessed to Americans will be leaving in January or December on fiancée visas, and those blessed to other Western members will be traveling with visitor’s visas. So I’ll be leaving at the end of January. I’m so glad to be seeing you in the near future. By then I really want to grow myself as quickly as possible.

        I told my family about the blessing but they didn’t seem to understand. In Japan it seems it is very difficult to breakthrough, because of indemnity. We need more conditions for you to visit our family by loving them more and more. Still there are many feudalistic customs and traditions, so it is difficult to bring God’s providence to those families.
       About my spiritual children— I have two “A” members and one “B” members. Ikuo Kitamura and Takae Kitamura are husband and wife and have a child in the sixth grade. They couldn’t receive the blessing this time, but have fasted seven days in preparation. They are a wealthy theatrical family who bought a marble tower.

      The “B” member is my sister Hiroku who almost joined, but didn’t due to my families' negativity. She is the eldest and must inherit the birthright. She left the church, got married, and has three children. Recently she started studying the divine principle again.

     Your team seems very nice. Please take care of your health and don’t get ion any accidents. That’s my only concern. Let’s pray for each other’s family. ITPL Yoshiko

PS I hope you like the tie.

November 16, 1982 Louisville, Kentucky

Dear Yoshiko-san,

        Today was Children’s Day; before going out to fundraise we had Pledge service, the sat in a circle to take turns reading Father’s Speech: “Historical Children’s Day,” from last year. The speech gave me incentive to enter into a deeper realm of God’s Heart, by loving brothers and sisters more than we love Father, and by severing ourselves from Satan’s hooks.

         I’m very pleased with the guidance and direction you have given me through your exemplary standard, and your pure heart of gold. Hearing how you have such a determination to grow and having already spent over 10 years suffering, sacrificing and shedding countless tears God, I’m moved to push myself harder to grow. Lately I’ve been trying to see how Heavenly Father is teaching me many things through different people and situations.

       I’m sorry to hear that your parents had difficulty understanding, and couldn’t accept our Blessing. It is important for me to be a good son-in-law, so I am at present praying for your family and will wait for advice from you on the best way to win their hearts. I will be patient and understanding as I can be, and offer you my complete support.
     It was exciting to hear that you will be coming to America in the near future. My mother is anxious for you and I to visit her, and has had something special in mind for you for some time. As you mentioned it would make you happy to hear me sing, I would love to see you perform something from the Korean Folk Ballet.
      Your spiritual children sound like wonderful members. Included with this letter is something for them, some chalk that Father used during some of his speeches early this year. I wish I had much more to give you, and other brothers and sisters in Japan, who don’t get much of an opportunity to see Father.

 

One question I have for you, Yoshiko-san… What did Father discuss with you at the matching, when he asked you to be the representative of Japan.

Please take care of yourself, and keep up the good work. May you receive many heavenly Blessings. ITPL Stefan

PS Thank you for the tie, red is my favorite color.

December 15, 1982 Pompano Beach, Florida

Dear Yoshiko-san,

With this letter I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy God’s Day. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this special time. Mamuru suggested that I call you on Christmas or God’s Day. There could be no greater gift for me than to hear the voice of my eternal mate sharing with me from halfway around the world.

We are working extra hard now, pushing ourselves to make higher results. I broke my record with prints, making over $300.00. This condition will end on Midnight December 24, after we do the last 40 hours non-stop, with flowers. Then we will celebrate Christmas. Between our 21-day conditions we have two days off for activities and rest, last time on December 1, we went to Walt Disney’s Epcot Center.

Last week Mr. Grow visited us in Palm Beach. We picked him up at the airport, had lunch, took some photographs by the ocean, then went to an amusement center called “Cosmic Cowboy” to shoot pool and play video games. We went to the movie, “First Blood.”

I’ve wanted to share with you about my experience of Christmas as a child. To begin with, at the age of three or four I went with my family to a shopping center at The Golden Mile and sat on Santa’s knee. Santa is liker the spirit of God, all knowing and all giving. “He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.” At an early age I remember lying awake, waiting, with it being almost impossible to sleep. My mother left some orange soda and cookies on a coffee table for Santa, and in the morning they were gone, and there was a big tin castle with knights on horses in the courtyard. Although we were not the richest family, there were always many presents under the tree. Sometimes my father took home movies of us unwrapping everything. My mother and father would drive us to the city to look at the animated Eaton’s windows. We would drive around to see everyone’s houses all lit up with Christmas lights. It was all so pretty. The little evergreens with snow, little hollows of snow lit up and melted by the warm glow of the light. Some had nativity scenes with Jesus in the manger. One time, to get extra money, my father took us Christmas caroling, just like fundraising. I didn’t know the songs, but would hum along. Our family was always together, for a big turkey dinner, until my brothers and sister got married and had other commitments. I remember standing by the Christmas tree eating my favorite sweet, thinking, “It’s too bad Christmas only comes once a year. I could imagine the world at peace, that in war-torn areas there would be a temporary truce, and somewhere on a distant battleground there would be a Christmas carol. Although there wasn’t such an emphasis on having faith in God; I felt God’s spirit of giving and love was always present. When I was alone traveling in Europe and heard a brass band playing Christmas Carols in some small town in Denmark; there was a lull in the music, and I knew in my heart that the next song would be “Silent Night.” Sure enough the next song was “Silent Night,” and tears came to me longing to be home. I made it home two days before Christmas.

          Well Yoshiko-san, I finally found out that I have “O” type positive blood, the same as you.

Thank you for your hard work for heaven, and for your love of God and True Parents. I really hope to become the bright spirited and deep-hearted brother you deserve. Take care. ITPL Stefan

January 10, 1983 Tampa, Florida
Dear Yoshiko-san,

As you may have heard Father gave his God’s Day message with the motto: “Home church is the Land of Settlement.”

While Mamaru was in New York at the beginning of the year, I had the responsibility of leading the team for one week. It is easy for me to deal with horizontal things, such as reading maps, and taking care of practical, but it is a challenge for me to prioritize spiritual things. Each member of our team is doing a condition; for forty days I’ll be doing a 12-minute prayer condition. I will give up tea and coffee, deserts and will try to eat less. Our whole team is determined to bring the victory.

            For two weeks our team has been staying with a blessed couple, Ken and Verina Hardman, who are running an Ocean Church Center. Ken took us for a ride in his “One Hope 80.” I’ve included a picture of me at the helm. On God’s Day we went to a restaurant called Madame Butterfly, for some Korean and Japanese food.

     It was good to talk to you on the phone half a world away. Take care. Let’s bring the victory this year for Father. ITPN Stefan
P.S. The post card is from Natsuko-san.