Just before the Christology lecture at Camp K, I heard the news about Father going to Danbury. I was leading songs when Gloria, our group leader, took me aside and said, "Father went to serve time in Connecticut. He didn't want any leaders to be there. Mother will take care of things."
The next day Mr. Aoki sat in on Gloria's discussion in Kiosk Five, near the top of the hill. "You are very lucky to be here at this time," he told everyone, including the guests. "You will learn what I mean in the future."
Then I walked with him to the top of the hill. Mr. Aoki stood in front of the upper lodge and started to translate the letter from my wife. He continued as we walked down, pausing every so often to have me photograph something. Tony had asked me to take some pictures for the slide show pitch. At the bottom of the hill I got a shot of five from behind skipping stones in the river.
Monday, the 16th of July, was crowded at Powel and Market as Presidential candidate Walter Mondale came down to kick off the Democratic Convention. The Olympic torchbearer had just run down Powel Street when I met Jed at the Civic Center. He was on his way to a Rainbow Convention. Kitty gave the lecture, Mr. Aoki drove us to Bush Street, and he decided to hear more. It took us a while to get to camp because the Golden Gate Bridge was under construction.
"God is the source of love," Nate went on with his lecture, "When man becomes like God he becomes a source of love, a divine spirit. Like the sun in the sky. Who gives light to the sun? The sun does. Divine spirit generates love. This is the fulfillment. God can have direct give and take with this. We can become like Gods. In a perfect Four-Position Foundation all positions can be reversed. We can bring God into our direct dominion. You can say 'God, make a new planet for me,' and God will say, 'no problem. Just come back in 18 million years and it will be ready.'
After a volleyball game at a park near San Leandro July 23, Mr. Aoki spoke about Father's situation. "Last night Dr. Suek called and conveyed Father's message. From July 20 to August 29 will be a special period. With the right conditions miracles can happen. Father may be freed and blessings will come. Mother will speak every Sunday at Belvedere. She cried a lot and repented. Father called when she was speaking to the leaders, and everyone gathered around the telephone. The four main points we need to concentrate on are: repentance, unity, working hard, and bringing results. Mother asked us to pray for Father's safety. She is nervous about the coming rally. Everyone is working hard to bring ministers; to free Father. Father is making an enormous indemnity condition in prison.
"Before Father went to prison he met with leaders, and then with his children. Then he gave a farewell speech at Belvedere. He arrived at Danbury at 10:59 the night of the nineteenth. God needs a champion. People expect us to be depressed and loose power. On the contrary we'll be bright spirits. We need to shed tears of determination. Don't shed tears of sorrow. Cry for the world. Tears with a hundred per cent determination are tears God can accept. Father is going to prison as a champion of the world. The ministers will gather. Father said that the time will come when so many people will come they will break down the doors."
Large Black Sketchbook signed by Rev. Won Pil KimFrom July 25th, until the end of October of 1984 when we met in Yosemite I filled a large black sketchbook. On the first page dated 1984.10.29 between two columns Rev. Won Pil Kim put his signature. The black book was filled with many lecture notes, and notes for songs I was writing. The first entry was about a witnessing meeting led by Tony. As with many of my entries taken of meetings, I made a circle of names listing the members present. Clockwise from Tony are: Cliff, Lindsay, Belinda, Gaetan, Steve, , Karyn, Calvin, Hitomi, Jose, Mary, Jan and Pierko.
"Pray to find which partner to go with you witnessing," Tony said.
"Try to find someone difficult to be your partner," said Alvin.
"Wrong. A man and a woman couldn't create a child if they didn't get along," Tony said. "You need parental love. Try not to look so serious. We're a family of brothers and sisters, so relax. No one will accuse you if you bring a bag lady to the table. When I came two or three weeks ago, I was nervous. But you don't need to be nervous. Bring high quality people. Feel free to work with the other teams. Who can entertain."
"I can play guitar," Pierko said.
"The other night," Tony said, "Pippa played a ten second song on the flute. I was caught off guard. If you're gonna play something classical, make sure it's something more than ten seconds long."
We were at Camp K with Gareth on the deck by the river talking about Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Someone drove by and gave a loud whoop. "The purpose of life is joy," Gareth said.
I was tempted to say, "I guess he must have read the book."
I had a good talk with Jed down by the river one evening. He noticed the falling stars reflected in the still water as we prayed. I talked about some of the places I'd been fund raising. He said he missed me when I went to the city last Sunday night, and had a deep experience meeting God with Nate. I sent him a copy of the song How Do You Picture Yourself. He shared the song with his group after dinner. All this Myra relayed to us at Twin Peaks when we gathered to pray, in her brief report of the workshop.
Dr. Suek came up with Mr. Aoki; I met them on the hill after our volleyball game. Dr. Suek shook my hand, and Gloria told him I had four guests. He said, "You should bring twenty-one members." During dinner Kelly and I were called upon to sing A Miracle America.
On Sunday night I went back to the city when the fundraising teams were meeting. I got Kaeko to translate Yoshiko's letter, which Mr. Aoki had already translated. I wanted to be able to write out what she said. Mr. Aoki saw what was doing and scolded me. He said I was wasting heaven's time, for she is a public person; that I should forget about my wife. "You should talk to the members who are lonely." After that I was talking to Hitomi and he scolded me again saying that I like to speak to Japanese sisters because my wife is Japanese. After that I made a determination not to talk about, call, receive a call, or have any give and take with Yoshiko. I wrote a brief letter to explain my situation and mailed it on Friday. Cliff was inspired that I wrote that I couldn't write.
While washing the car Friday morning before heading to the city, Hitomi came to talk to me about witnessing. I had avoided her and completely all week, and that bothered me because Hitomi was a friend. She told me that Mr. Aoki told her to witness with me, Steve, or Sukant, so I witnessed with her that morning. Mr. Aoki arrived and said that Dr. Suek would be coming Saturday, so we should bring a guest.
Right after that I met two French Canadian girls who were on their way to South America, to live among the poor people. Tony said just give them the address to see if they show up for dinner. They didn't. Tony had an intuition that they would stay for a couple weeks and then leave. At five I witnessed with Lyndsey, and we did a lot of talking-she asked me if I still wanted to lead a team and I said I was just focusing on God's will. Then I told her that I wasn't going to write my wife while I was out here witnessing. She thought that would be a good condition for victory and shook my hand. I told her I felt I could bring three guests to the camp because I'd sacrificed writing letters.
It was almost six when we met Nicole Gibson, an Australian girl who had saved up for eighteen months to travel around the world. She went to the dinner program but it took three hours to decide on going up to Camp K. Her parents had reserved a room in a posh hotel for her first night in America, and she wanted to stay there because the hotel room was a gift. The manager gave her credit for another night; I went with her to help her get her pack from the room. It was very late by that time and I knew that Jacinta, Myra, and Staffen would all be asleep when we came back to the van.
Mr. Aoki scolded me a couple times privately at the dinner program because I was talking to the members instead of the guests. So I was very tense. I avoided having give and take with Mr. Aoki and just tried to focus on my mission. The whole time witnessing was really intense - my stomach was in knots much of the time. Friday morning I met a brother who admitted being a slow learner, and cried when I told Tony that it was probably because he never felt loved. Tony said that I was feeling God's heart. I felt really focused and plugged in; the lectures gave me rebirth.
After the Mission of Jesus lecture Gary shared about a revelation he had while watching an ant. "I saw a beetle making its way up and incline, and it kept backsliding. I looked closely and noticed that it was actually an ant pulling a beetle. He was pulling it for a larger purpose. I was so touched by his struggle that I removed a twig that was blocking his path. Then I realized that God must be moved when he sees us taking on a big burden and moves obstacles that are blocking our path."
On August twelfth, after Pledge service at Camp Nate spread some heavenly gossip, "There's a pool tournament going on at the prison, and it looks like Father will win."
I went up to camp on Aug. 8th, my spiritual birthday, with a Swiss civil engineering student named Stefano. Philipa was with me when we met him and came up later to help with him. Tony came up with the rest of our team; Hitomi, Jan Reid, Paul and Pierko.
Steve Hail and Myra helped with the 21-day workshop and Alvin came up too. Kevin Maxwell was sick and studied by himself in the Kiosk, and read ahead in the Green book, to discover the ultimate conclusion. I'd been praying with Kevin and Jed who realized that Father was the Messiah.
When the 21-day team went fund raising Jed decided to go with them. Jed has been praying with Myra by the river in the evening, and she talked him into it.
On August 14, a videotape of Father's Farewell speech was sent up to Camp and the members watched it before the guests woke up. I was leading a song practice when Mr. Aoki showed up in the door with Mr. Fuji. Then I worked in the kitchen with Hitomi, while Philippa took care of Stefano. Later I was leading the song practice, when Kitty stopped me in the middle of a song and took over. I was a bit perturbed.
Dominique had two guests from Switzerland who are planning to go to the Grand Canyon, and Tony told me he was afraid they might take some guests with them.
I wrote the following 'Evaluation,' to John on August 19: "Thank you so much for your efforts throughout this week leading this group. It has been a growing experience for me extending myself to Kevin Maxwell, Steffie, Jed and the others. If anything was lacking it was with my prayer life, although I did have some good prayers with the guests. It was good that Philippa came to help with Stefano; it has been uphill battle with him; he stubbornly insisted that his heart was open-that the Bible was bunch of fairy tales-and that God would speak to him directly. Only our tears will help him stay. It has been a challenge having most the seven-day guest gravitating towards the Grand Canyon. Throughout my time here I tried to concentrate on the needs of the guests, sharing as an older brother. I tried to reach out to Hitomi, who said that she felt like an outsider. She was moved by my concern. Jed saved my life last night by scorching a bedbug with a match. Jed has grown a lot. Of course you're probably wondering why he has matches. I'm grateful to Heavenly Father for all he's been teaching me."
After morning service on the 20th Jacinta shared to the members back at the center that many of the guests were on the brink of heading to the Grand Canyon. The spiritual parents were giving everything; they were fasting and sacrificing for the guests. "I think people all over the movement will be inspired that such a victory has begun. The twenty-one day guests are praying for the seven-day guests, they want to see new people coming. Today we can find young Americans. The people who leave just don't want to offer their lives to God."
And then Mr. Aoki spoke. "I've been in the family for ten years, still I struggle with the question, 'Is there hope for the movement?' There is the Principle way to look at this. Suppose Jacinta did everything, shed all her tears, and almost died for a persons' life. Would it have been a waste of her time? Heaven will remember Jacinta's heart."
Dr. Suek came to the CARP center at Ashby Street, in Oakland, and gave morning service on August Twenty-third. "Today I am already inspired by you; you fulfilled your purpose, so I have nothing more to say. We will extend the campaign and extend it from the first of September to the twenty-first.
"I met Hyo Jin Nim and three other True Children at the airport, and went together with them to Dallas. Today they are going to LA where In Jin Nim, Father's second daughter, is speaking out at the rallies. Her speech is very powerful. We had a miracle in Washington DC. With just a weeks notice we staged a rally, with East Garden staff, and the blessed children. Everyone was so inspired that our rally was reported in the Washington Post. I gave Mother a report personally, and translated the article for Her. She saw the beautiful picture of In Jin Nim. But Mother wasn't so happy that the Washington Times, they didn't report it.
"Mother asked me to bring representative CARP leaders to East Garden, to a birthday celebration. Mother publicly recognized CARP, and Howard Self gave a report. After that we took a picture with Mother. In her heart Mother would like to invite all the CARP members, but we all can't go. Mother recognizes your hard work.
"A few days ago CARP became a worldwide movement, and representatives from 70 countries will gather in Korea in November for a convention. I might send Sukant to pioneer CARP in Africa. We must create stories to inspire people. All your actions will be recorded, as the contemporary Acts of the Apostles."
On September First while Gareth was giving the Principles of Creation lecture, I wrote in my journal: "Thursday morning it was raining and Wanda and I met a brother named Andy outside the Greyhound Bus station. Wanda talked to him first, but Tony said I should go up with him. So I went to camp."
Bjorn, Celeste, Kelly, Gary, Big Kevin, Steven and Jeff graduated on September 4th. Mr. Aoki was present. We decorated the dining room; put on a good ceremony. I took many pictures. Just before the impromptu celebration I was having difficulty with my stomach; Kitty saw me-I was about to cry.
I shared to her that I hadn't spoken to Mr. Aoki all summer - didn't want to take up his time; also I hadn't shared so much with Tony. She said I was very "Able" about song practice and my guitar. I felt better after talking to her. I also mentioned about not writing to my wife. Then I helped make the Happy Graduation sign with blue and orange crepe paper.
Later Andy asked me if Rev. Moon was the Messiah, and I gave a brief synopsis of His life. I was moved again by the lecture about Jesus and talked about it we Andy. He thought the mockery at the crucifixion might have been worse than recorded in the Bible.
Nate returned to the camp and reported the latest news from New York and Washington: Hyo Jin Nim gave the Founder's Address at the Science Conference; that Mr. Kamiyama stayed up for three hours every night to protect Father. Then Father prayed for two hours. Father has been reading over his speeches picking out the best ones for us to study. He's learning English.
The prison didn't want any demonstrations. One very hopeful thing was that Reagan might pardon Father after the elections. It looked like he might win. There was good coverage of our rallies supporting Father, with a lot of good pictures.
On September 6th, at Camp K, I got a call from Mr. Aoki. He asked if I could leave the country and get back in; I said yes; he then said that out of 120 members he chose me to represent CARP at the upcoming conference, provided I hadn't already been to Korea. He then clarified the status of my guests: Jeff, Kevin and Andy. The call was very brief, he asked me not to tell anyone about it. I told him I would do my best to be a good representative of True Parents and Dr. Suek. Then he said I should go back to the city and find another guest at the appropriate time. The day after Mr. Aoki told me I could go to Korea all three of my guests left for the Grand Canyon.
At the 4:30 prayer meeting at Union Square, Tony directed us that the only way to meet a good spiritual child was to breakthrough with tears. We were to cry at least one tear. It was difficult for me. Later, at evening meeting Tony said the way to victory was to determine not to eat; to fast until we took a spiritual child to workshop. He said that Doris (who is at workshop now; she went to New York on God's Day.) did t hat as well as two other members last year; who brought someone to the family. That night I told Tony that I would fast for unlimited time. It was Wednesday, July 11th. I fasted all day, then this morning Tony came and told me to start eating again.
July 1, 1984 San Leandro, California
Dear Yoshiko-san
It has been a week now, since we started witnessing, and Friday night we sent up our first guest, an American. We are aiming for Americans between 18 and 25-particularly between 18 to 20 year-olds, of very high standard. We started with a prayer at Twin Peaks Holy Ground; it turned out to be when Father was giving his testimony at the hearing on Religious Freedom. It was chilly and foggy as we prayed; nearly all of us had deep and powerful prayers to kick off our summer witnessing campaign. There were 17 of us there including a team from Tennessee, headed up by Jacinta. (This team includes the few remaining members of South East CARP, where I was at the time of the Blessing; I am close to them. One sister named Philippa used to play duets with me on her flute. Now we play Hearts in Harmony for evening program.)
I'm on Tony's team, with ten of the top fundraisers; it is really good to work with the best members of CARP. We are all very privileged to be witnessing, in all of America, there are just a few people witnessing, these here in the Bay Area. All of us are very determined to bring the victory. Mr. Aoki has been giving us the best guidance; so we are trying every way to improve every aspect of witnessing.
We set up our table outside the visitor center, which is by the cable car turnaround one flight down an escalator in down-town San Francisco. There we have two card tables set up; where we do surveys. Usually we start with a prayer, part of our individual 21 minute prayer condition (not the 6 o'clock one) which I do on the 30th Floor of the Westin St Frances Hotel, overlooking the city. Powel and Market draws an incredible amount of people from all walks of life. The tourists form a lineup at Powel awaiting the cable car, and where the line forms, young black kids in sequined tuxedos "break-dance" or pop. They are the only people I know, (besides CARP MFT) who use the restrooms at McDonalds for a dressing room.
So it is our second Anniversary today, at Pledge Mr. Aoki prayed and said "How could we celebrate our Anniversary when it is such a crucial time for Father?" He also said it that this is the middle of the emergency time period. I'd like to wish you a Happy Anniversary on this day, even if you don't read this for a long time, you will know my thoughts are always with you as they are with God and True Parents.
I have had some good prayers lately, shedding tears in desperation. When Mr. Aoki reported to us about the hearing my heart was so moved.
Around our witnessing area there are many people lost, strung out on drugs, some with leather jackets and strange fluorescent hair-dos. Some are really filthy, lying everywhere along the street. It really bothers me to see this. In other parts of town it is like Sodom and Gomorrah. Among all these the people chosen by God shine brightly. So it is not so hard to meet them. Our prayer was good on the 30th floor. At one morning service Mr. Aoki scolded me for being sleepy. He even kicked my legs for I was standing up asleep. (Usually I never sleep at meetings or morning service.) So I had a deep heartistic prayer to restore it. Since it is so important to be bringing a victory witnessing I'll be concentrating a lot on having a good prayer life.
Sunday night we celebrated our Wedding Anniversary [a lot of us were from the 2,075 couple blessing on July 1st 1982] by having dinner with ice cream sundaes for desert; and went to see movie, Karate Kid.
It's Sunday night again (July 8th) after a great weekend workshop, which was attended by all the witnessers, as a "dry run" so that we could get acquainted with the dynamics of the workshop; for some members are a bit rusty about these matters. Since our group was just family members, we discussed deep things. I had the mission of taking pictures as well as leading songs yesterday. I took many shots. Had great fun swimming, playing "King of the Castle" on rafts; climbing unto the raft to throw the sisters off. Everyone had fun. I managed to play some good volleys of tennis.
Last night beneath the moon I played guitar for an hour; and had a deep experience serenading Heavenly Father. This I had never done before. I imagined a shooting star being like a tear in the deepest part of my heart. If you want someday I'll share this secret with you; but no one else; except someday our children. I hope you don't mind, I wrote a song for you, being inspired by a rose analogy. A song is like the marriage of lyric and melody; so I'll leave it up to you. I call it "Song for Yoshiko" It is difficult for me to write music. Even if you think you can't write music, you must write it anyway, after all Father was a great songwriter. This morning I woke up having some spiritual dreams; but unfortunately I couldn't remember them. The song is for your spiritual birthday. It didn't take long to write, but came almost automatically.
I'll tell you a little about our team. The leader is Tony, from Ireland. He used to design and work on oil rigs in the North Sea off Scotland. He has a great sense of humor. On the way home; through Napa Valley, while I was in the back seat leafing through a guest's copy of M. C. Escher's illustrations. My favorite illustration was Three Worlds. Tony would hold his beeper close to the sisters in the second seat exclaiming "radiation," when it sounded. (He pressed the test button to make it beep.) Jerry was in the back talking to a guest about art; I joined in the discussion. A list of the rest; I'll elaborate later. Myra, a sister who has experiences channeling the spirit of Heung Jin Nim; Jan from New Zealand; Elizabeth, who suggested that I break my fast, because it was interfering with my focus. That made me become tearful, because fasting is difficult for me, and I had a strong determination. I didn't know how long it would be - one week, ten days until I went to workshop. I also mentioned about how Mr. Aoki came up to us and gave each of us advice on how to improve. I had to fight back tears in order to tell him, but finally the words came out. "It's funny, in a way, but Mr. Aoki told me I had to smile more; and to not look so intense." Tony said that I should just continue on a no coffee and a no-sugar condition, as well as taking care of the survey sheets to reconnect with the guests.
Today (11th) we fundraised around San Jose, the Silicone Valley, to raise money to continue our work. The area we witness is like hell compared to here where there are beautifully landscaped industrial office complexes. Most had one receptionist in the front to say "No Soliciting," so it was difficult. Spirit World helped.
This morning Mr. Howard Self called me from New York with some good news: My guitar had been found in a storage room of the New Yorker after being spaced out for two years. He'll be sending it here so I can entertain at the evening program. Each night I play Walking on Air with Steve Hale, putting on a real comedy act. Also this morning Jerome flew to New York to join the Seminary. We will all miss him. Please treat him well it he comes to your restaurant.
Many members on MFT will be graduating soon, as their two years are up. Because I'm witnessing it won't be until October that I graduate' we'll be having a Regional meeting in Yosemite again. At least I'll be eligible; I don't know how God will decide.
It's early morning on Sunday, here at Camp A, the birds are singing but no one else is up. I just played a bit of tennis with a brother. I'm up here for the weekend to play guitar as song-leader, and to take care of two guests. (Guests I didn't meet, but have sisters as spiritual parents.) It is calm and beautiful.
Witnessing has been a real test of faith. Since I am focusing on the highest quality, not so many are responding, so the difficulty is not to be discouraged. I've been trying to invest myself totally. Since I can't call you please be aware that I am always thinking of you; and will always answer your letters promptly. ITPN Stefan
September 19, 1984 San Francisco (McDonald's restaurant)
Dear Yoshiko,
This is just a humble birthday card; if the situation was different, and Father wasn't in jail, I would feel more like celebrating your birthday.
I made a determination to focus hard on witnessing, and have one spiritual child named Kevin Maxwell; he's about 23, served with the Coast Guard. I met him with a Japanese American sister named Lynn. I had two other guests, brothers, one had been at camp for 50 days, and both left on the same weekend. So I went from three to one, and it is so heartbreaking. This morning I took group pictures of the new members, which will be shown to Father; Kevin was in the picture, so I'm happy if I could bring joy to Father at this time. I'd like to start a 3-minute prayer condition for Heavenly Father, True Parents and our personal victory, starting on September 25. ITPL Stefan
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