32: To the Footprints in Moondust

 





         We gathered at a Denny’s Restaurant to discuss "conditions" for the next 21 days. It was September 30, 1984 in Boise, Idaho. Joe was leading the team, with Jose, Anna, and Donna. Mr. Aoki told me on the evening we shared fundraising testimonies that I would be joining Joe's team, after spending three months witnessing in San Francisco.
            At the closing prayer I shed tears as I struggled with two things. First, that Mr. Aoki had been telling me that I may or may not be going to Korea for the CARP Convention, also that my passport had expired, and I had been having trouble getting access to my papers which were in a trunk at a storage facility in Texas; and the members there had difficulty getting to them. The Convention would be in November. My heart was also anguished because I had made a determination to cut down on my letter writing to my wife; trying not to think about her all the time. Mr. Aoki called me on the phone and told me to get my passport renewed, and that he wanted me to be a team leader soon. He wanted me to take more care of the members, rather than focusing on my wife and my own situation.
            One condition would be to start a ten-minute lecturing condition as soon as the alarm goes off in the van. Then we would sing a Holy Song and do a twelve-minute prayer. We also had a condition to skip lunch the following day if we didn’t make a $120 team average. At the end of each day we would finish with a twenty-one-minute prayer to inherit the “Attitude of True Parents.”
            Each member on the team was to give their testimony during morning service. Mr. Aoki was concerned that we give good testimonies at the upcoming gathering at Yosemite; where Won Pil Kim, Dr. and Mrs. Suek, Howard Self and many new members would be in attendance. Once a week we would make an entry into the team journal. Jose and Donna were taking care of bookkeeping; Anna, product; me, packing and cleaning the van. Joe also said that when Kaeko came to visit the team she would check the oil and tires every day.  My internal condition was "tearful prayer and pure heart — to unite with Heavenly Father, True Parents and Central Figures; to have a parental heart towards brothers and sisters." My external goal is to make $300 per day, and a $200 minimum. Also, since Father had been in Danbury I have sworn off sugar, coffee (unless I need it to keep me awake when driving,) no second helpings, and no snacks. Also I have a three-minute prayer condition for victory of Yoshiko and myself and to run at least fifteen minutes per day. (Writing this by lamplight; the van just pulled up...) I had the Grand Slam for breakfast.

 On October 2, I was sleepy during the morning service, sitting beside Joe in the passenger’s seat, so Joe had me open my window and take off my coat. He hit me a few times to nudge me awake. It was common practice to give brotherly taps. I made $350 the first day. Joe said he would be calling Ricardo to find about my passport. Brian suggested I go to Canada to get my passport, but I decided to try and get my stuff in Texas first.
            October 3, 1984 - Port Polsum, Montana.This morning I got dropped off at 6:30; It was dark and cold; I came to a café, had breakfast and read God’s Day Speech, 1983. It gave me hope to change for the better; at least make a Holy offering. Joe said yesterday that Ricardo was resentful that I asked again about my passport; he hadn’t even bothered to look in my black zippered bible. Brian said that he would talk to Mr. Aoki about it. I knew what Brian would say, “Don’t think too much about it.”
            Our team wakes up at 6 am and starts lecturing; I was trying to teach the Divine Principle while walking around barefoot on the cold ground looking for my sneakers, which have my glasses and watch in them. We made our team goal and stopped early, had dinner, cleaned up and prepared to travel.
            October 4, 1984 7: 26 pm I’m writing this from the jail at Anaconda, the captain Gus Monocle, stopped me and told me to get in the vehicle, a four-by-four. He asked if someone else was selling, I said that Anna was, he asked if I had a license to sell and I said no. He said they had a Green River Ordinance. He picked up Anna and took us to the station. He said the bond was $50, since we had it between us I gave my money to Anna so she could go free. After she left they asked me my weight and I wasn’t listening, he yelled and said he could raise the bond up to a thousand dollars, so then I told him. The other yelled at me who are you working for? They took me upstairs and locked me in a cell by myself, didn’t advise me of my rights, or that I could make a phone call. They assumed Anna would tell Joe I suppose. I had thought that if I was reasonable with them that they would let us go, but they weren’t reasonable. So far today, fundraising in Butte, Montana, I made $243 doing a long strip. I had not made any sales at the house to house area. I’m grateful that I have this short time to spend in prison , to feel what Father is going through in Danbury. This is the Day of Victory of Heaven. On
October 8, we fundraised Livingston, Montana; on the  10^th we were in Gillette, Wyoming.
At a JB’s Bigboy, after dinner having gone straight through all day. I’ve made about $280 and it’s 7 pm. Started about 10:00 am; we drove from Billings. Yesterday was slow. Joe spaced out and offices at the beginning of my side of the street, he made $75 in one office and gave me $40 of it to count as my result. He did that Saturday with Anna’s area, and Donna was “Cained-out,” when he disappeared doing O.D.U. house to house. [Origin, Division, Union was an MFT term based on the DP- Two fundraisers would start at one point and go the opposite way around the block until they met. So it would be frustrating to go all the way around the block and not meet your partner. “Cained out,” — Genesis 4:6-7 So the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you so angry? And why has your countenance fallen? 7 “If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”] I had house to house with Anna; she was bombed, having slept through her runs. Donna made her goal because she had a foundation of prayer. Joe said we should follow her example.
            Joe has been doing a good job of pushing us hard. Every day we wake up at 6 am with lecture practice and prayer. I’m a bit too groggy to lecture then. Yesterday I was wiped out. Sunday night we went to a movie theater and saw “Places of the Heart,” it was very good.
            I called my brother Kim about my passport, he said I would have to go to Toronto to get it, and that I could get it in one day.

October 18, 1984 Toronto, Ontario
Dear Yoshiko,
            Finally I picked up my passport today and will be flying this evening to Salt Lake City in Utah to meet my team I’m now having in a big shopping complex downtown. In a way it is sad for me to be in Toronto, because this is where I spent my time with all my friends. I could have looked them up, and visited them, but decided not to; so that I can cut completely with my past. I’m talking mostly about my old musician friends and poets. It is sad to be here because I miss my friends, but I’m very happy to be finally closing the door to my past; forever sealing it shut.
            I went up to my mother’s town of Meaford, which is on Lake Huron, just a walk from the lake. It was good to spend time with my mother, but visiting is spiritually, to keep praying and focusing on God and True Parents.
            As I look at people on the busy streets in Toronto, I realize now that I can never return to my old way of life. It has been so frustrating to be away from my mission, not being able to do something constructive for God.
            It was interesting to fundraise my old hometown; to run across people I went to school with. One old friend from Grade nine, Dean Story, took me home for tea with his wife. They have an 8-year-old boy, and a nice home.
            Danny spent some time with me making a tape of some of my favorite songs. He has a collection of hundreds of records. In that way we could relate well. We used to play guitar together, but Danny no longer has a guitar. He’s studying to become a hairdresser, and cut my hair for me.
            It was good to visit with you, even if you were busy. Please take care; don’t worry about me, I’ll be doing my best to do God’s will. I’ll send you a card from Korea. ITPL Stefan

November 8, 1984 Flight KE 016 Seoul to New York
Dear Yoshiko,

My heart has been so deeply moved by the kindness of the Korean brothers and sisters, that I could cry. I’d like to tell you about this incredible Blessing that God has given me, and my hope is that in sharing it, you can feel God’s incredible Love. This trip has made me much more grateful to God and True Parents; as well as the brothers and sisters who made this all possible.
            When I last wrote you I was about to fly to the US but was turned back at the border, because I did not have a return ticket. They became suspicious and asked too many questions. The next day, my sister drove me across so I was grateful and became closer through her helping me. I finally made it to rejoin my team.
            We had one last week of fundraising before our huge gathering at Yosemite. Rev. Won Pil Kim spoke to us there, and we heard of Father’s desire to make CARP a worldwide movement. He gave this direction on June 18, four months ago, just before going to prison. CARP’s goal is to make 3,000 members, plus an incredible amount of associate members. A high school movement called “YES” was also initiated. This First World Student Conference in Korea is the result of Father’s dream. Because Father went to prison there may be a providential extension of the time before entering Canaan, a 3-year period which corresponds to the 430 year time period of Egyptian slavery. We all made a strong determination to bring the victory.
            Although I broke my previous fundraising record, and was the one with the highest result, I was not called upon to give my testimony. Only a few people gave testimony, because there were so many members present. My only regret is that I didn’t get a chance to climb the mountains and stand in awe of the huge waterfalls, because we had to leave early, to fly to Korea.

From the moment we arrived, till the minute we departed we were treated like diplomats or Kings. It was 8:30 am when we arrived at our Youth Hostel; half an hour later we were on our way to Kooklip Pakmulkwan Palace, and the National Museum of Korea. On the way I talked to a Korean sister named Myung Sin, and met some of the other participants from the different nations. There were two busloads of ‘foreigners’ one of the professors and five busloads of Japanese students. All the time I tried to meet as many members as possible, to make friends with them. After the Palace; we went to he base of the Seoul Tower and then the Little Angels Arts Center. The Little Angels performed a number of dances, after there were many speeches presented. I was called upon to play a song; a Korean brother went back to my hotel to get my guitar, which was very considerate. I spent a lot of time backstage, I saw Mrs. Anderson; she was off to the side behind the curtain beating a drum. She was at the Hammadang Games the next day in a Korean dress at the opening ceremonies standing with the African team holding a sign proclaiming their continents identity. Anyhow, it was a great honor to perform in such a beautiful and Holy Place. Even if I had become a famous singer, I would never played before such a wonderful group of people in such a beautiful hall.      

          The Hammadang games were an incredible spectacle. The teams, led by Korean sisters in traditional dresses marched into the stadium beside the nations represented, all wearing track suits of unified colors, then saluted the dignitaries seated in the half dome. The highlight was a game I forgot its Korean name, where two huge teams of brothers all wearing white carry two men in ceremonial costumes on a huge rope contraption, something like a boat with many crossbeams, where it is hoisted high and is pushed against opponents, till one of the captains fall off. There were dozens of sisters in Korean dresses following, holding large tails, flags and banners and dust catching the sun. It seemed a spiritual experience, being all dressed in white, with Dr. Seuk right behind in a row of 7 or 8.

The American team of 15 sat amid the Korean students in the stands; they were eager to talk and share with us. As it turned out, the Korean teams won all three first place trophies and the Japanese teams won the second place trophies. At the end the whole playing field joined hands, arm in arm we danced wildly in happy circles singing Korean songs.
            We went to the Olympia Hotel, where we had fillet mignon, dressed in our tracksuits. Nearly every dinner or lunch was the best food in lavish settings. We had breakfast with Rev. Kwak at the Lotte Hotel, the finest in Seoul. There, he spoke about Father’s life in prison. It really made me think, about Father’s indentity. How incredible Father is. After breakfast at the Lotte we went on a field trip too the DMZ (this was Nov. 5.) It was a two-hour drive, most of which we were forbidden to take pictures. I did a couple where allowed. Everywhere members were being photographed with interesting things in the background. This time the Korean soldier who briefed us on the circumstances surrounding tunnel number three that the North Koreans dug below the DMZ to attack Seoul. At the end of a long trek underground, the end, a soldier with a machine gun ready, mounted and pointed at the enemy’s end of the tunnel. On the way underground, I spoke to the Japanese brothers in the band Ocean Sunrise, who had performed for us. I talked to the rest of the band at different times. I talked to the lead singer as she was humming, looking at museum exhibits from the 6^th and 7^th century.
            We returned to a huge restaurant, all 300 of us, for lunch, then went to five different universities for a symposium. I went to the Kankuk University. Delegates from various countries presented papers. Afterwards, dinner and we prayed in a circle outside the lobby of the University, all of us joining hands in the darkness.          
            The next day we started our sightseeing tour, beginning with the historic Korean Village. It was interesting because there were many young children there who were interested in us. I shot a roll of film on them, they were so cute; especially with the African brothers, walking arm and arm with them. After posing for a picture each one shook my hand, and one eight-year-old Korean girl surprised me by kissing my hand.
There was a long drive through the afternoon, to Kyung-ju. Most of the time I spent hanging out the window with my camera, shooting villagers. We had free time in the evening at the Kyung-ju hotel; I sat in the lobby with my guitar playing songs. The brothers from Ocean Sunrise joined me and played shared songs, as well as a sister joined me and shared songs, as well as a sister from another Japanese band; her name is Isa Suto. (The movie featured on the plane is The Last Starfighter.) They wrote out the song “Republic of Korea.” It was very late when I got to bed; the hotel had a prayer room.
            It was 5 am when we awoke to view the sunrise from the temple overlooking the Japan Sea. We were told the sun is only reflected on water about 10 to 15 times a year; we had a blessing, because the sun broke through clouds on the water. I had a tripod set up to photograph it, every minute another hand or head got in the way. (I shot six and a half rolls of film.) We returned for breakfast; then viewed some museums and tombs, and temples. Right after lunch it was announced that the Japanese members would be separating, to head back to Japan. We gathered before the buses, sang Tong-il and shook hands. There were about a dozen I’d made friends with, my heart was so moved by so many, in so little time. Even as the buses were about to leave, I greeted one Japanese brother right beside me in the next bus. He shook hands with me through the window, and presented me with some cookies.
            The highlight came when we arrived in Pusan, visited the museum and the Holy Ground on the hill. We heard a presentation about Father’s time in Pusan. Many children were curious when the three buses pulled out and we sang, prayed, and gathered stones and flowers. It was rather rushed, driving through the city to dinner, then the long drive back to Seoul.
            On the last morning Dr. Seuk gathered with us outside the hostel, signed posters for us, and sent us out shopping. He had given each of us money at the games and told us to go to the Mandaemoon market. I took a taxi with Andy, Jim and Mitch. At the market I went looking for a dress for you and found one in a large clothing market. I met two church members at a tailor shop. They approached me showing me their rings, after seeing mine. It was nice to run across brothers and sisters in a far away place. I bought a shirt and sweater, a silk tie, nine journals and two tapes of Korean songs. After I finished I had lunch in a small restaurant off an alley. After I took a taxi home, and have just enough to pay the fare.
            Finally, we boarded a bus, stopped in at the Farewell banquet at the Olympia and then rushed out to catch our plane. The Korean family helped us, taking care of our boarding and everything else. They presented us with neckties and Korean Divine Principle books.
So I will be fundraising again, on a 40-day condition till Christmas except for 3 days off. Driving through the country I kept thinking of the lines to the song “Shining Fatherland.” Take care (It is now 2:06 am; time for sleep.) ITPL Stefan
November 11, 1984 Pompano Beach Florida

Dear Yoshiko,
            How are you doing these days? Always, I can imagine that you are fine, and working hard. There was so much more I wanted to tell you in my last letter, I think I let my heart in Seoul Korea. Most people leave their hearts in San Francisco; but they’ve never been to Seoul. I could share with you more of the Korean heart that I came to love and understand. Every now and then I’m reminded of different things, looking at everything from an internal perspective. The palace I went to on the first day was at Gyeongbog Palace, and the Korean sister, Myung Shin expressed her disappointment at the people making money from tourists by having men dressed in traditional wedding clothes beside a young Korean girl in a wedding dress with the temple in the background. There were half a dozen lined up, and the gowns were hastily put on for a quick snapshot. Myung Shin felt it was degrading to Korean culture and almost sacrilegious. I wondered what kind of spirit world surrounded the young lady who posed as the bride.
            Actually, right now, I have a bad cold. A few people got sick while touring. I’ve been fundraising, but my results are not so good, as yet. This time, as was the last condition our team is being led by a young member, named Joseph. He has just turned 24, and is not yet blessed or matched, but is very qualified, being sacrificial, heartistic and righteous. There are now three sisters and one brother, besides me, on the team. Two of the sisters struggle a lot; one is always talking, laughing and drawing attention to herself. She can be extremely trying to one’s patience, and can be quite annoying. I’m sure God has a good reason for putting her on the team. The other sister is Blessed, has a degree in Astrophysics, is easy to get along with, and has bit of difficulty with MFT life. The team has been struggling with low results.
            I have not been so keen on becoming a team leader as before, but would rather witness when it comes time for me to graduate, at the end of this year. The main reason for wanting to change is that I’m very disillusioned about the standard of driving on MFT. There have been many accidents, with vans and cars being completely totaled. Many times the drivers fall asleep at the wheel and run off the road. Leaders have been cautioned to be careful, but out of arrogant pride many push beyond their limits. Fortunately no one has been hurt. There was one driver who led a sub-team I was on, who kept falling asleep, so I reported this to Mr. Aoki; who said that this brother should not drive. The team leader ignored Mr. Aoki’s direction, let him continue to drive and he crashed the van. (I wasn’t in the van at the time, but on another team.) Two weeks after that, he fell asleep and crashed a car. This was the one thing that really made me think. I’m not afraid to die for God’s Will; but don’t want to die out of someone’s carelessness. I hope you don’t think I have the wrong attitude. I’m very concerned about the safety of the members.
            I’ve made a new determination, to be more internal, prayerful having more heavenly dignity. Being basically American, sometimes things can appear to be acceptable, when actually they go against the Principle to varying degrees. I’ve tried many times to go to a higher level, but at some point Satan’s hooks were able to trip me up, making me do what I didn’t want to do. For instance, I’ve given up coffee and sugar, but resumed consuming them after a couple months, breaking my condition. This is just one example of a simple thing, but it reflects an internal standard. I must become more absolute in my life of faith.
            Usually things go fairly well for me; I can make good results even when my spirit if “off,” or low. This is because I have a strong desire to do God’s will. There was one time I had a lot of difficulty when I was on Mamaru’s team two years ago, we had a lot of Cain-Able problems. I was afraid that Mamaru would give you a bad report about me. Even though we had a difficult time, I was able to resolve the resentments in my heart, so that I had no bad feelings. Maybe some day I can talk to you about that time. I never wanted to share with you anything that would make you worry.
We will be in Florida for a while, then maybe Georgia, Louisiana and Mississippi. I don’t think Joseph is enthused about this area, it has been done so many times. People buy the foil prints, then leave them in their drawers and don’t buy t hem a second time. In any case, a good spirit can break through external circumstances.
            Tonight; our team finished early to write letters at McDonalds. I gave the team a bunch of Korean postcards; they have been trading them. This morning I gave morning service, sharing for half an hour about Korea. I included some of Andy’s testimony, which he wrote out for me a couple days ago: “As I started down t he hill, from the Holy Ground a small boy approached me with a scrap of paper. He motioned for me to sign my name on it. I did. He then handed me a rock from the Holy Ground. I think I shall treasure this rock most of all…”
            Right now, we are doing a 50-day fundraising condition, which will end around Christmas. We will have three days off during this time; next Sunday we’ll take the first break. I think we’ll be gathering in Los Angeles.
            This time I really want to consummate my MFT experience — to really meet God. I’m hoping to do my best ever. So I will be finishing this for now. One last thing — if I could say a million more words all I’d say would be “Please write soon.” ITPL Stefan
            Although we were based in Berkeley California Joe drove our team the past Irvington Texas (where the East Coast teams were stationed) to fundraise in Florida.
            Joe told me that he liked to push himself until he was exhausted and in pain, so that he could "pay indemnity," to break through on a higher level. He couldn't wait to drive to new area.


November 23, 1984 Jacksonville, Florida
Dear Yoshiko-san,

Although we just talked over the phone about the latest turn of events, I’d like to go over them with more detail. After I called you last Sunday, I finished my run, Joe picked us up, went through a Burger King Drive-thru for dinner and then to the movies and saw Amadeus.
            When we returned to the van, we found that we had been robbed. Someone broke in and stole Joe’s briefcase, which contained all our fundraising results, plus Nancy, Alison and I had stuff stolen. All I had left were some clothes, which had just been laundered. (Among the things I lost were six rolls of film taken of Korea; thirty poems; which are the only copies; two cassette tapes of my songs; forty poems which can be replaced; a photo album of all the pictures you sent me, including your family; a textbook on learning Korean, given to me in Korea; my Level Four Way of Tradition, plus one notebook into which I copied the contents of all the letters you’ve sent me, my backpack for fundraising plus my luggage bag.) I made a determination not to get depressed about losing all this, so I was grateful that no members were harmed, that we could still continue.
            The police helped us for a while, then we left Gainesville to drive 90 miles to Jacksonville. We stopped at a truck stop — to rest — then continued early in the morning. Originally, when we were stopped, I had my head facing the front, but woke up and put my head towards the rear, using Jose’s feet for a pillow. We were all asleep; Joseph was driving. He may have been under stress, because our van had been broken into.

There was a stoplight after a long stretch of highway and Joseph must have dozed off, because he hit a van, which was stopped, waiting for the lights to change. (The driver ahead was sipping coffee, and it spilled all over him.) It was grayish dawn when I awoke, being thrown towards Joseph’s seat. (If my head had been facing forward, I would have broken my neck) Sheryl was at the very back, and flew over everyone hitting the front windshield. A heavy box was lifted up, and crashed down on Nancy, plus Jose and maybe Anna landed on Nancy and Alison. No one was cut, or scraped. The Ambulance came, as well as a fire truck. Nancy and I were taken out last and she said “Monsei” to me. We were all shocked to find that Nancy would be paralyzed from the chest down. Mr. Aoki and Kaeko flew in.

The Doctor told me that I just had to lie down for two days; having a compression fracture of my T11 and T12. Mr. Aoki wanted me to take over leading the team, but it turned out that I would have to stay in bed for three weeks so another brother, Alan Saunders, was called; he’ll be driving in with another van. I was not too happy about leading a team; fortunately someone else can do it. The doctor said I might have problems for eight weeks; that I shouldn’t drive.

As I mentioned before, I’m very concerned about the driving standards. Mr. Self, Dr. Seuk’s assistant spoke to us all strongly about safety when we were at Yosemite; after, on the way to Korea, I sat beside Howard Self and told him how a lot of leaders and drivers weren’t careful enough. I have much concern about safety and for this reason I don’t want to be in a situation that is not safe. I hope you can understand about this. I really do want to lead a team, but something inside keeps telling me I shouldn’t, for safety reasons. Ever since I was a child I’ve always been concerned about accidents.

As you said, this can be a turning point for me. I want to have the right attitude; at this time I have no resentment towards Joseph, or anyone about this. I’m grateful to be alive. Now, I want to develop myself internally, to cut from any bad conditions I may have made to cause this latest turn of events. So now, I want to do my best for God and True Parents. You know, Nancy’s spirit is that of a saint. She has always been cheerful, no resentment. Kaeko said she would care for her spiritual child for the rest of her life.

So, I want to grow quickly to become more righteous to do god’s will. It is time now for me to take a giant leap of faith. So take care Yoshiko. Thank you so much for your dedicated heart. ITPL Stefan

Dec. 9, 1984 Jacksonville, Florida IOWC Center

Dear Yoshiko-san,

            You will surely have seen me before you read this; if not, then at least you will have something to look forward to. I’m wondering myself, “Why am I writing you today, when I’ll be flying to New York tomorrow?” It is partly because I can’t wait to talk to you, and partly because I have an ulterior motive in writing you long letters, that is because through reading them you will be learning English. It will also help me to put clear in my mind the events that have happened recently. I’m not quite sure when I will see you, because when Mr. Aoki told me he was sending me to New York to help at the CARP Headquarters while I’m recuperating, he said that I must accomplish a public mission first, before I go on a date with you.
            I’ve already written you three letters since the last time. Everything I’ve gone through has been far too important to talk about in ordinary conversation. Even as I write my eyes are about to cry. Mr. Self finally called me up to tell me that Dr. Seuk gave approval to my going back to New York on a temporary basis; or rather a trial basis. So as I write this I will refer to other letters.
            Each letter started with warm greetings from sunny Florida. It must be cold in New York City. These past few years I’ve always escaped the cold winter winds, being in some warm area. Anyhow, I hope you’re smiling brightly with a warm heart. I’m sure you’re melting the snow in people’s hearts.
            As you said in your phone call when we talked about the accident that this might be a turning point for me. I’m beginning to feel that myself. I feel much better now, able to move more freely; the shock of it all has worn off, so my spirit is lighter. I saw the Doctor ten days ago; he said, “You’re still moving like an old man.” You can imagine how a comment like that would get me going.
            The nurse said, “At least this time you’re not in a wheelchair.” So the Doctor said that I should take it easy for a month, and just rest when my back tells me to and not to lift anything. He took some X-rays, as you may know I had a compression fracture of my T11 and T12 vertebrae. The front side is crushed in, so that there’s a 9 cm difference from the back, which has caused my spine to curve in a gentle arc. This will make no functional difference for me; the only problem is that I may be prone to having arthritis. The doctor, an orthopedic surgeon told me that it would take four months to heal completely. So I am absolutely determined not to do anything to complicate things, otherwise there may be need for surgery.
            Mr. Aoki is very supportive of my needs and asked me to call him when I’m ready to lead a team. I had anticipated he would be very anxious for me to return to the front line. I’m very sorry to God and True Parents not to be able to do so much a t this time, however, by following the Doctor’s orders I’ll not risk my ability to work in the future. I have no qualms about having to rest now. For sure I won’t be fundraising for the month of December. I don’t want to be driving too much, or travel extensively bouncing around in a van until I am completely healed.
            I’m grateful to not be hurt more; have only experienced minor discomfort, and at no time did I feel any pain that was unbearable. Even during the accident it wasn’t excruciating. Just little aches and pains here and there. The worst experience was not being able to have a bowel movement for the first week. It was indeed a serious injury, but I will heal I will be as good as new. So there is nothing to worry about. I’ll still be able to play the guitar, however, I may never play the violin again.
            Kaeko has been here for about three weeks now, she goes to see her spiritual child Nancy, who was left paralyzed from the chest down. Alison, who broke her neck and arm, goes with her each day to the hospital. Nancy has been like a saint, never complaining, always cheerful, even though she’s in the worst situation. Mr. Aoki said that many members cry when they hear the story of her faith. We heard that even if she doesn’t recover, she would be able to bear children. Based on our complete faith, especially those involved in the accident, she may be able to walk, since her nerves were stretched, but not severed. In a six-hour operation a rod was put in her spine. We are praying for her recovery, for her faith and for protection for out movement. It has been difficult for, Kaeko dealing with Nancy’s parents each day; always showing deep faith.
            It was last Thursday that Mr. Aoki and Howard Self flew in to meet with out team who had been staying at the center here, fundraising this city. It was important for them to meet with Nancy’s parents. All of us were there, and Nancy was in a more open bed than the one in her room, which rotates. She was so bright. We took pictures of the team, Mr. Aoki and Howard Self, Nancy and her parents. We had friendly conversation, then her parents talked to Mr. Aoki and Howard. I think the meeting was productive, even though Mr. Paul has much to be negative about; he has been very polite especially to Joseph, who was driving.
            I talked to Howard and Mr. Aoki briefly. I asked Mr. Aoki if there had been a spiritual cause for the accident, he said the team was an able one, and couldn’t think of any bad condition, that our team did. Perhaps some person made a bad condition, or our team made a bad condition, or perhaps it was indemnity for CARP. Perhaps Nancy’s show of faith will create miracles. Mr. Self told Mr. Aoki that I had spoken to him about the unsafe driving on in CARP MFT on our way to Korea. (I had sat beside him on the plane, speaking about safety, because Mr. Self had spoken to us strongly about taking responsibility to drive safely due the many accidents we had been having. I had a strong intuition before that there would continue to be accidents.) I am very close to Howard; he was my Central Figure up to the time of our Blessing, in the South East Region.

            Anyhow, Mr. Aoki may have read my mind, for he said, “If you have fears about driving because of the accident, if your spirit goes down like that, you may have to be a team leader for ten years to make up for it.” I didn’t say anything at that time, but kept silent. Whatever I felt, I would never complain in front of Mr. Aoki. Then they both suggested I go to New York, and Mr. Aoki joked about me doing something public before seeing you, before going out on a date.

            My spiritual mother suggested I pray about the accident; to find out why it happened. When I did I broke out in a cold sweat, with tears, with the shock of it all coming back. I had been very calm in the hospital, in the ambulance with Nancy beside me, and Allison in the front seat with the driver. The nurses said that we were better than ninety per cent of the patients. But all of it came back to me sitting there alone in the prayer room sobbing. You know, since I was a child I’ve had a fear of accidents. Many people from my school, some classmates that I knew, were killed in car accidents. When I was young I used to sit on the right side, behind my mother, in the back seat the car because I thought that would be the safest. The night of the accident I was sleeping on a bench directly behind the driver’s seat, facing the front. In that position, if we stopped suddenly, my head would have been wedged behind the seat, and I may have been killed. But as soon as we started to move, I woke up and changed position, so that my feet faced forward, just in case we crashed. While I prayed, all my fears came out; I hadn’t realized they were there so deeply. So I determined to overcome them, and realized that over time I would get over them. I’m really sorry to have had these feelings. In spite of it all I’m not resentful, and I’m grateful. The reason I had Kaeko call you was that I might have cried on the phone, and that would make you worry.
            Kaeko shared about talking to the seventy-six year old nun at the hospital. The nun had leaded a celibate life, dedicating herself totally to God. talked about dedicating her life the same way, so that she could care for Nancy. I was so moved by her faith. Joseph and I met the same nun; she spoke to us about the order she was in, and her experience in a very violent and risky ghetto in Baltimore.
            The other day Kayeko drove me to K-Mart so that I could shop for replacements for things stolen the night before the accident, when our van was broken into. I lost all my clothes that were in the laundry. So I bought a small vinyl luggage bag, a belt and a white shirt for pledge.
            Since the accident, (which was at 6:55 am Monday, November 9, 1984) I’ve been staying at an IOWC Center, in a small one family house, under the direction of Kizashi Takemura. There are four members under him, a woman of fifty, named Grace, who joined 16 years ago in California, Takeko, Antonio from Italy and Moira. Margaret is an OWP sister who works alone, selling jewelry at a military base. Also there was a regional team here until today, of three Japanese sisters, two Japanese brothers, touring Florida with a captain named Bruce. Another national MFT team lives here with Malcolm, a British team leader. He has one black brother and five Japanese sisters who sell roses at stands and live in the center permanently. With Allen’s team, (Joe, José, Anna and Sheryl with a new brother Ted from Dr. Seuk’s International Black Student Alliance) , Allison and myself, we fill up this tiny bungalow.
            Allan Saunders flew in to lead the team; Joe became a fundraiser, due to being on a “no-driving” condition for falling asleep at the wheel. Mr. Aoki had me become a spiritual advisor, taking care of the team in the four-hour limit I was allowed to be out of bed.
            Anyhow, my only regret now is that I can’t be doing more work for God and True Parents at this time. I’m really sorry about this. This morning Mr. Hirose spoke about Mr. Kamiyama being released from prison, and how soon Father may be released. I regret that I can’t be on the front line. In spite of this I’ll do my best to always bring joy to God and True Parents. So please take care. I told you on the phone I had many questions to ask; they were all answered when you called — because one question I had was answered. Heavenly Father may now give us he blessing of seeing each other. I pray that I always have the proper heart; to always be mindful of having the right heart of purity towards you. ITPL Stefan